Wow! I was reading over my early June blog and the destruction of my previous YouTube channel. Fast forward less than two months later and the new channel has the same amount of subscribers and viewing hours. I don't know how I did it exactly, but we are right where we left off in early June. Some might think I was nuts for deleting my earlier content. I'll be the first to say I miss some of my travel vlogs and those experiences I shared. And yet, I'm okay with this because I feel like the last two months have been a completely fresh start. 

Sure we have shown almost twenty travel vlogs, but the rest of the content has been more balanced with responses to news, writing related content, and lighthearted shorts. I like the mix and it has kept me happier, which was the goal. I think when the new school year starts for me, I will feel less pressed to travel, knowing I have other aspects of my channel to share.

Even though I won't be teaching in Poland this school year, the majority of my new subscribers are from Poland. I had hoped to diversify my subscribers more, but for now that is not the case. Don't get me wrong - no complaints from me. If anything, let's get more.

With this month fast coming to an end, I can only imagine what the next two months will bring. Will I reach my 1000 subscriber goal by summer's end? Stay tuned to find out.

Today marks the end of my time in Europe. Over the past year I have taught in Poland and for the most part had a wonderful experience. There have been numerous weekend trips, twenty-six at last count and multiple countries checked off my bucket list. 

To that end, the majority of my time has been spent in Poland. I can say living here is certainly different than visiting for a week. While I will be the first to say I have felt welcomed living in this country, I can only imagine what my experience would have been had the color of my skin or my genetic makeup been vastly different. There is a reason why Ukrainians were welcome with open arms and yet war refugees from northern Africa and the Middle East are not. For that matter ask the Chinese man who got hassled on the train yesterday by the conductors as we were traveling from Warsaw to Krakow

While I don’t mean to criticize my temporary home, I can’t help but do so because it feels similar to the United States from thirty years ago. And yet, it is different too. There is a culture that doesn’t allow for much criticism or at least those beating the drum are significantly louder making it appear as such. 

Some will say I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I assure you that I do. Should any foreigner speak out or share their perspective, even about the nuances of daily life, it is immediately disregarded and the locals online (those more militant in their demeanor or nationalistic could be a better term) go on the attack. Look at some Reddit threads or even some YouTube videos to see those who feel inclined to comment. 

I have seen this first hand. With my attempts at a YouTube travel channel on two different occasions I made vlogs talking about my life in Poland. Let’s focus on the word “my” which seems to mean it’s not valid unless it’s from a Polish man or woman that has been in the country their whole life. It’s one thing to create a travel vlog showing myself roaming the streets or countryside of Polish cities or towns, but it’s another to point out the transition to living here. That’s where this experience has become a mixed bag.

There have been challenges between learning the language, adapting to shopping culture, the lack of personal space and total disregard of it, as well as apartment living, and of course the post office, to name just a few. Some are trivial and others are asinine from this American’s viewpoint. Regardless of what I share, there will always be someone or multiple people who feel that they are the end all of what is right or wrong in Polish life. 

Let me stress, I’m focusing on those individuals posting online, not on my colleagues or the friends I have made, who have been wonderful across the board.

I imagined YouTube to be more of an open forum for appropriate discourse, but unless it spins everything in a positive light, this is far from the truth. I know from over 180 videos on my first channel, that only the ones where I was upbeat and mesmerized by the wonder of Poland were my views high and comments constructive. Now shift to a video pointing out how it makes no sense that packages can’t be left in your apartment building door and yet everyone claims the streets are safe to walk at all hours of the night, you are considered too radical. Don’t dare mention your apartment being 12 degrees in the winter or all hell breaks loose. 

I don’t get it, but then again I don’t understand why we have a universal online culture where people feel it is their right to destroy others. I know this isn’t just a Polish thing, it’s across the world. Many of these people wouldn’t be able to destroy others in a public forum, but the anonymity of the Internet gives many the power to spew hate without repercussions. I understand this is a larger topic for another day, but it makes me question how many private voices truly feel the same way or if their voices are simply minimized by those who lurk in the online forums, waiting to pounce - to justify their existence.

I wonder about such things and whether when I return to the United States I will face more of the same. And yet, I didn’t expect it from Poland. Maybe that is where I made a mistake. Hate is everywhere and for that I’m truly sorry. Nevertheless, I would hope in the days that come that the culture will shift and even in Poland, foreigners will feel comfortable to share their perspectives and their lives without being looked down upon and shown the door. While I have the luxury to return home, others don’t necessarily have the same freedom. 

Certainly some food for thought. Till next time.

JFK

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2023 has come and with it much anticipation and expectation as to what that means in the months ahead. 

Writing has taken a back seat of late, from a lack of motivation and the shiny new ball that is vlogging. Still, the storyteller in me knows there must be a novel or two ready to be told. 

The challenge is maintaining a balance and expending enough energy to do both successfully. That’s the caveat in my non-writing fun of late. 

Vlogging is more than just pointing a camera and talking. There is an interactive component that when ignored makes for a mindless walk through city streets. And yes there is a delicate thread of talking too much or not at all. Every location tells a different story and every viewer is looking for something specific. 

In a way, this is similar to writing a good story. The characters, the setting, and the conflict must all work or the story is trash. Even if all those pieces are in sync, it doesn’t mean in a world of millions of books that the right set of eyes will find and resonate with your tale. The same can be said with any vlog. The thumbnail, SEO, description, what others have watched previously all come into play.


This is why my favorite vlog about a hike along the Irish Sea limps along with a hundred plus views, but a Gdansk old town tour and Christmas market vlog has 17 times the views. Part of this is luck, proximity, and well algorithms. 

After years of independent publishing, I know this well. Rejection is part of the game as are dealing with readers who are not as enthused with the final product as the creator. While I have learned to accept this in a literary sense, the lesson is repeating itself in the vlogging world. 

With that written, I’m putting all of my creative endeavors in perspective. That’s what my 2023 focus will be. Don’t let the numbers dictate what I write or film. Genres, topics, whatever I need to find passion in is what I must do to fully enjoy the creative process. That is far more important than anything else. It’s also why I will write a sequel to Rusty Star this year. The Marcus Files should also have another addition, time willing as well. 

I have a few others writing goals that could be in play, but another lesson for 2023 is to focus on one goal at a time. Like a marathon runner, let’s put in the mileage first and see what develops and how the body responds. Here’s to a new month and a new year. 

May your writing, vlogging, whatever your creative goals, be successful for you in the year ahead.
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The uneasiness I felt in Riga dissipated the moment I got on the bus for Estonia. Within minutes of leaving the city center and getting out into the countryside, I wondered if I was making a mistake leaving early. Truly, I knew it was the right call. These lakes and wooded vistas of Latvia were nothing more than a tease of what I thought I was getting myself into. Instead, I was plagued by city life and all that comes with. 

Not even forty minutes onto the ride, the farther we drove away, what stress I had felt was all bought gone. Instead, I settled into some journaling and reflected on what had gone wrong for the first part of my trip and with everything else in life. I know that’s a heavy statement and overly dramatic to put out there, but truly I believe when we are faced with adversity other moments of similar angst rise to the forefront. 

When all one can do is sit in their comfy bus seat, play Angry Birds, and ignore the stench of body odor and a clear beer detox episode from my fellow passenger and seat mate, these thoughts force themselves to be processed. I had two hours to kill, to see what I could better understand to make the rest of the trip a more productive one.

Pärnu is a beautiful beach town. While this might be the fourth largest city in Estonia and it’s former capital, to me it’s just a large town of forty thousand souls. For that I was grateful because it was easy to navigate and designed perfectly for walkers, runners, and bikers. Even if I tried, which I did, I couldn’t get lost within the city limits. 

Where with Riga I felt like another body; in this hamlet, I felt more at ease with nature and the beach that beckoned. Still even with this more relaxed atmosphere lingering thoughts came into my head on why this trip had this up/down feeling. Then it struck me over dinner, that I had no one to share this trip with. Aside from my video camera and friends and family I texted, there was no other physical presence to experience this reality. To be frank, that was a challenge. 

This was the first trip I can remember feeling out of sorts with my traveler of one status. I share it freely now, because many people travel alone. We all don’t have the luxury of travel friends or a romantic partner that we can tolerate enough to venture out to other parts of the world. To that end, when any unsettling experiences arise, all one can do is rely on themselves. It’s easier said than done. 

While I loved walking the quiet streets and commenting on the varied buildings and architecture, I would have preferred to have spoken more on the history of the region. Obsessed with all things Estonia since the early 1990s, I was game to share my knowledge of what the transition had been like after the fall of the Soviet Union. Moreover, talking about what life was like as an independent country prior to communism would have been a worthwhile conversation. 

Despite these best intentions, I remained stuck in my head. Having suffered in a way with the city life of Riga, I became that little boy from Brentwood who simply wanted to feel like he was back home riding his bike in the woods. The remainder of the trip was focused on rebooting the system and grounding myself. 

Part of this reboot was a continued connection to the water. It didn’t matter the time of day, the weather, or the temperature; I kept walking the same section of beach waiting for that cosmic wink that things would be okay. 

Some might tell you being alone is a state of mind. Some might even be envious of a trip without any friends or family to consider. And yet standing out on the shoreline looking out at the vastness of the Baltic Sea, I was reminded of how dreams change and in the future it’s better to not force things. 

The fact during my previous teaching stint overseas (five years earlier) led to three canceled trips to this region should have told me something. It’s not necessarily timing, but perhaps divine intervention saying there are other places to be that will resonate more. I laughed thinking back at the previous trip I canceled and how instead of traveling I hunkered down in my Brindisi apartment and wrote most of the first draft to Valo in a one week period.

On this trip, I had intentions to write, to dive into National Novel Writing Month and instead I can report that the journal I wrote in daily, basically to process my thoughts of loneliness and questionable dating past, was left behind on the Lux Express bus I traveled on from Estonia back to Riga. 

Talk about a wink that this wasn’t the area for any writing, let alone for any meaningful writing to remain in my possession. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed this portion of my trip. There was peace in the air and even though I didn’t see the sun the entire time, feeling a closeness to the water was all I really needed. 

Returning a few days later, I felt relief that I could finally move forward and check off these Baltic boxes. Neither trip was what I had expected or planned. Then again, I needed downtime to process some deeper thoughts, to move on from loss, and to realize that sometimes the best vacation is either one spent at home or among familiar things. 

Traveling is said for many to be a way to see new locations, try new foods, and experience different cultures. For me, while that might be true at some point, right now it’s about finding that sense of home and familiarity in a toxic world that is continually a challenge to navigate. Here’s to the next trip being a better match for my current state of mind. 
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